Welcome to the Internet! June 9, 2008

A 10-year-old boy sits at his computer playing Maple Story, an online game. A 15-year-old girl confesses her love for her neighbor over facebook. A 35-year-old man plays Webkinz. A 50-year-old watches YouTube videos that she was sent in an email. A 16-year-old-boy talks to the girl he likes in an Instant Message.

A13-year old girl talks to the 10-year-old and they become friends even though they have never talked in person. The neighbor receives the message and replies (hmm I wonder what happens?) A 5-year-old sits on her Dad’s lap as they play Webkinz. The 35-year-old-man continues to play Webkinz (he is playing because he likes it. If you are thinking something else than you have issues). An eighteen-year-old looks at his YouTube page and is overjoyed to learn he has gotten forty-two hits. A 17-year-old-girl talks on IM to the 16-year-old boy, oblivious of his crush.

This is the Internet. This is a computer. This is technology. This is SPARTA!!! (Just kidding on that last one). The Internet is an interesting thing. It is a collection of millions of people. Most have never even heard of each other and yet we are all connected. We watch a YouTube video. We play online games. We go on Facebook. By “we” I mean the countless number of people who go online each day. Yes, maybe they don’t do all of those things, but most likely they do one. Even if they don’t, there are loads of other things to do on the Internet. We read, watch, look at, laugh at, cry about, share, get mad at, criticize, agree with, learn about, etc, about all things.

It is both comforting and disturbing. It is nice to think that even though there are countless people in this world you are connected to them somehow (even if it is just because you are both looking at some “fat” “Dutch” kid singing “the Numma Numma song”). It is strange/bothersome to think of what you are connected to by being on the Internet, the strangers, the rapists, the psychos, or even if it’s just something other than the little circle of your life; either way you are connected.

The Internet is an important tool. It is like the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy come to life. It is also like a “person-connector” (that is the best way that I could put it). The vastness is unthinkable. It is like trying to count the stars in the sky. I am sure they have figures out there, but they are really meaningless. Here, let me help you out, save you the trouble of looking it up. There are A LOT of people on the Internet. It is a bottomless pit of information, false information, porn, random crap, and other things.

On the Internet we all communicate. We talk to people on forums and we debate. We try to convince people of things, and yet we have never even met them before. It is strange. We may never talk to a coworker, or a classmate, or a neighbor, and yet we could talk to them on the Internet, perhaps every day. There is no true way of knowing if we don’t identify ourselves (I would not really recommend actually doing this *See last paragraph of blog entry). How do you know with whom you are speaking? There are no major rules that would affect the average person. There’s nothing saying you can’t lie-at least I don’t think there is. 2+2=22 (2+2=4).

What is even more interesting is that people interact online, beyond just talking. There is online dating and the like. There are also games like Maple Story where loads of people play together in one game. They talk, trade, give, and take. It is far from real life. Despite the cheating and stealing that occasionally goes on in this game, there are a few good things too. People can join parties were they work together. People give help to those on a lesser level than them. They don’t know these people at all. They probably have never met them, but they help each other, make friends, and even enemies. It is as if it is an imitation of real life.

Then there is the YouTube viral video phenomenon. It is people putting videos up of themselves for everyone to see. It must be their attempt at 15 minutes of fame and sometimes it actually works. They dance or do some amazing feat and the population of the Internet flocks to the video. You are then connected with the other people who watched the same video as you did. You can even leave comments on their video. The Internet is big. Who really is Technoblogger6627? (I made him up.) We never really know who these people are and yet we watch THEIR videos and maybe even enjoyed them.

There are times I wonder if the Internet does more good than bad. Who’s to say? It is a thing, one of the many things that exist today. It is just there. There is no one forcing you on the Internet. But you will go- people ALWAYS go.

** Important information from subscript AB (pretend you know what I’m talking about and I will too)**

My name is Bloge Tekeno Lodgy. I live on 666 Intret Dr. I live in a small blue house (the one on the left). My social security number is 123-456-789. I am a short 110-year-old man. I have brown hair that is extremely straight. I currently have $456 dollars in my home and it is stashed underneath the floorboard, underneath my bed. I am away from my house from 2:30 pm until 5:00 Pm. If my living room (left most window) light is on I am home. I am weak and feeble and probably won’t be able to defend myself.

(**Disclaimer** Hate to break it to you, but I made ALL of that up. So, you can hang up the phone, stop talking to your buddies; get rid of your “plans.” If, for some strange reason, I used YOUR information then you are a freak and a very interesting person. If you did have plans, then get a life.)

Uberfetch Technologic May 27, 2008

This is my blog. I usually write in it twice a week. According to Cyberjournalist.net on July 31, 2006, Technorati tracked its 50 millionth blog. That means that I am one of 50 million. That is a lot; not very good odds for me. I have a measly 266 page views, which although seems like a lot leaves me slightly dejected knowing how many views other blogs are receiving. If you are reading this blog YOU are one of 266, so congratulations. Hey! You have better odds than me, so you can feel more special than I do. With two blogs created each second, I am glad that you picked mine instead of the other one that was just created. What confuses me is, why?

Why do we all go online pouring out our thoughts, feelings, and ideas into a package for the rest of the inter-web to see? Do we feel that it is some sort of confessional, or is it simply a chance to make our mark on the world? For all we know, the next religion could be created off of a prophet’s blog (Okay, now if you are creating a religion off of me I will be very flattered, but a little creeped out. Please let me know though.) It’s as if creating a blog will allow us to join this greater movement. Those 266 people who read my blog were subjected to MY opinion. In makes me feel special.

Blog’s are a funny thing. They give people a chance to be a writer, even if they aren’t that good. It’s an editorial on anything by anyone. They give complete noobs a chance to pretend they are writing for the New York Times. People write journals and spend time trying to hide them from other people’s eyes. Why then, do us bloggers (Wow…I’m one of them) post these things online? Maybe they’re not really journals, but a collection of persuasive essays.

No offense to others, and myself, but who cares? Why do people care what John Smith has to say about the presidential primaries? But I still write them. I like writing in my blog, letting you poor, defenseless readers know how I feel about blogs, and technology in general. Is this my strange way to communicate with the world? If only I knew. I need to start talking to myself more (that’s something you don’t say to yourself everyday).

As time goes on everything these days is online. Things that used to be in “the real world” are now online. The real world is online. Blogs are our way of putting our ideas online. Why? Who knows? I do it and I guess loads of others do to. It’s a fad that will probably last. It does not really make sense, but not many things do. So I will continue to write and hopefully you, random reader (who probably just searched Google for something totally unrelated to this and my blog popped up) will continue to read.

The speed-up of computers is the slow-down of our intelligence duh May 18, 2008

Ppl; spnd? a lot of time on comps, i know that u prbibly doo, because we lve in an age of tchnlgy, were cell phons, im, and email, trump sending a lettr and tlking face to fac. we have nno need to-wrry about speling and grmmer because of technlgys such as spell-check. what i <have, to wonder is if~ as (the) computers+becom smrter will we become dumberer

If you stumbled through that jumble, then you deserve congratulations. I can barely even understand the surplus of abbreviations, absence of vowels, misused words, and incorrect grammar marks. It was very difficult to write. Not simply because the grammar and spelling was atrocious, but because spell-check would not let me type “ i .“ Every time I would type it, spell-check would instantly capitalize it the instant I hit the space bar. Spell-check ALSO would not let me begin a sentence with a lower-case letter. At the moment, my first “paragraph” (if you can even call it that) is littered with red and green lines everywhere. As the youth of our nation grow up using the new technologies of today, I begin to wonder if that technology is lowering their intelligence.

I have never met anyone THAT bad that they have a paragraph like the one above, but many times I have seen words such as “are” being spelt as “r.” That is just the beginning of the mistakes made. If spell-check always corrects your spelling, how will you ever learn the real way to spell scintillating (It means clever. Oh, the irony!). Instead of learning mistakes and adjusting, all you have to do is click the ABC check-mark button and every mistake is instantly before your eyes, just a click away from being correct. Spell-check doesn’t know everything. It cannot tell the difference between problem words such as their, there, and they’re. It is in no case a panacea.

Computers getting smarter goes beyond spell-check. On most websites, if you type in a word wrong, a suggestion usually comes up on what YOU REALLY meant. “*typing* Fast small low budget laptop*click*…Did you mean: Asus Eee PC.” Google doesn’t even add a question mark! Computers are doing our math for us, our talking, even our listening. Why do we need these things? All we need to do is talk and our phones instantly call whomever we said. Technology is building a lazier, dumber, slower human.

That’s not to say I don’t use these technologies that are put right in front of me (I love technology.) I used spell-check numerous times when writing this. I’m a terrible speller and Google is constantly telling me what I really meant. I AM usually too lazy to do multiplication/division/squaring/etc. of long numbers in my head. This is what worries me. There is no way I will be able to get through my writing if I don’t have spell-check sitting next to me guiding my hand at every little step. We are on a downward spiral to the point where computers will do everything for us and to tell you the truth I enjoy going to the bathroom, writing my own thoughts, and many other activities by myself. Stupid Talking Toilet!!!

Oooo Shiny O_o May 4, 2008

I am obsessed with shiny new things. I own many gadgets. I just love them. Darn! I have to stop loving inanimate objects. I am constantly on the Internet looking up new gadgets, playing with the ones I own or buying new ones. I save up my money to buy either new musical instruments or new gadgets *drools*. I think about it a lot. Why am I so engulfed by this gadget world of wonders? There is no wonder gadget out there, and the gadgets of today are far from perfect, but for some reason I don’t give up.

After much thought about why in the world I am so obsessed with these small pieces of technology, I have narrowed it down to three different things.

Somehow I believe that gadgets will somehow give me superpowers, magic. Who needs infinite knowledge when you have the Internet at your fingertips? Who needs a photographic memory (why wasn’t I born cool) when you have a camera on you at all times? Who needs the ability to tell whomever, whenever, what you are thinking when you have a phone? Technology must in some way fill the void that I have due to the absence of magic. Yes, there is some magic in this world, but I’m talking invisibility cloak, Harry Potter magic here. It reminds of the gadgets that Q makes James Bond in the movies. They seem to give James Bond super-human ability. James Bond was saved a number of times due to his AMAZING cell phone or REALLY COOL watch.

Another possibility as to why I might be so obsessed with shiny new gadgets, is that they somehow fill a void. Not to sound very cliché and emo, but I am in constant search for something that is just mine. Something that I can carry with me everywhere, keep my thoughts, and will be, somehow, special. That sounds all pretty creepy and, well, I don’t know, but it’s true. None of them have worked. I guess I do like my phone a lot, and I do keep a few thoughts, songs and things on it, but it just doesn’t do the job. I expect too much from my gadgets. I want them to be perfect and even though I realize that we, as a human race, will never achieve that perfection, I still buy these gadgets hoping that they will lead me there.

I still go to look on websites such as engadget.com and cnet.com to search for the next big thing. I will probably buy it, it will be mad kick’n, but it probably won’t do both of the purposes I dreamt it will (magic and that other thing) and yet I still buy it. I’ll then probably buy another device after it and so on. It’s an endless cycle that I choose to participate in. Why? I have no idea. I even acknowledge it and yet I can’t get myself to morf into a non-gadget lover. Oh well, I’m going to continue to want, and probably buy, gadgets. I can’t stop. They’re too cool. Quick! I need an intervention!

Uberfetch.com May 4, 2008

Like many geeks out there I currently own a domain name, Uberfetch.com. It doesn’t work. I have a couple of dead links and some writing. It is truly pathetic. I have attempted a couple of times to get something going, but with no success. I am sad to say that I don’t even know HTML. I wish I did, but I’m way too lazy to learn any programming language. I once tried to learn C, but with no avail (I should get back to that). I have never gotten past the preliminary, “this is my website” stages. All that has ever been on Uberfetch.com are a few sentences of writing that I used to show off to my friends so they could see that I had a website. My problem is that I am lazy and that I want my website to be something.

I need my website to be something special. Just some random geek’s, nothing website, is, for some reason not good enough for me (no offense to those who do). Like thousands of people, I have this faint urge to be famous, but I don’t know why. It must be some small biologically-implanted part of my brain that aspires to fame, but I can’t help it. I want my website to have hundreds of hits a day. I want people on the Internet to want/need to go to my website. My website could be the next big thing. The only problem with that is that I do not have some epically awesome idea that will attract a swarm of people.

I have thought long and hard about what my website could possibly be. It is one of the great predicaments that I spend time worrying about, endlessly debating, forever questioning. Okay, not really, but when I am surfing the Web and I remember my site I begin to wonder, “How can I just leave it to do nothing?” At the moment, it serves no purpose. Even when these situations arise, I can never get myself to do anything with the website because I know there is nothing I can do. Yes, I guess I could put up some poop about who-knows-what (kind of like my blog), but I just can’t do it. It’s as if there is some unknown wall blocking my entrance into even trying something. It just might be the fear of not creating something worth recognition.

www.uberfetch.com is nothing. It serves no purpose. It is a waste of space on the Internet. Yes, some day it will either die out or will actually have something on it, but for now it doesn’t have anything. I really hope that it doesn’t die out and be taken over by some large corporation, or fellow geek, cool-website wannabe. I guess, when it comes down to it, that is up to me. I guess it’s the way with many things. If I want to do something with my website, I’ll just have to go and do it.

The electronic cheeseburger! May 1, 2008

Have you ever heard of the electronic cheeseburger? How about the computerized toilet paper dispenser? I haven’t. I also haven’t heard of the automatic hairspray dispenser or self-powered trip guard. There are loads and loads of random technologies that will never ever go ANYWHERE (no offence to countless, inventors.)

I actually just made up those wonderful technology ideas…off the top of my head…Can you believe it? I am SUCH a genius. Okay, okay, please keep your comments to yourselves. I don’t actually think that these technologies will ever be sold by the hundreds in stores around the world or even sold for that matter. However, I have recently started writing down my ideas in a Moleskine. My thinking behind this is that perhaps I will one day become a successful inventor with amazing inventions that will revolutionize the world; my inspiration coming from the likes of Leonardo Da Vinci and his amazing epic notebooks. Unfortunately, every single idea I write down is probably poop and will never be sold or even thought of again.

On the website, Engadget.com they have a weeklyish section called crapgadget. It is both funny and depressing as one looks at some of the things that people think they can get away with selling in the consumer world. I almost feel bad for them. Do they not realize what they are trying to sell? Do they not realize what fools they are making of themselves? Yet, are they making fools of themselves? Who’s to say if they really are? Personally, I think they are sort-of-kind-of fools. Ok, yes, I think they are fools. I guess people do say that ignorance is bliss.

As lame as some of the inventions seem to be, I think that they are important. They serve a higher purpose in the ever-changing world of technology. You cannot achieve better technology ideas without the bad ones. Unsuccessful technology helps create the successful technology. It teaches you what to change, what to make better and what to change. Complaints about how terrible a product is can help recreate it into a product that doesn’t stink. They also stand as a foil for greater technologies. If there were no bad ideas, the good ones would be normal, blending in with the rest. We need the bad products to distinguish which ideas are truly great. Would you really appreciate Salvador Dali’s art if every artist were as good? No…in all honesty, I don’t think you would.

An electronic brain! An upright walking phone! The next best wonder-ideas? No, they are not, but I continue to write down my ludicrous ideas. Whether they are amazing or not is not really up to me. Maybe, in a while, I will look back and instantly want to register a patent on one of these ideas. Heck! Maybe I will have been too late and the likes of the Ipod will have been written down in my notebook. When I am an old man saying that I was the FIRST to invent the… (insert next big thing here), my grandchildren probably won’t believe me, but I will know that I had a good idea.

Mail is GONE!!! May 1, 2008

You reach over, turn on your computer, wait past the loading screens and you’re now on your Desktop. After that, you probably log on to email or some other form of digital communication. I do. Every single day I check my email. I respond to messages on Facebook and Deviantart. I don’t remember the last time I sent a letter. It was a long time ago. With all of the digital communication of today, we are losing both face-to-face communication and letters via the postal service.

Writing letters is a dying art, not because people don’t know how, but because people don’t send them. Personal letters are now a rarity in our everyday lives. Our mailboxes are stuffed to the brim with junk mail, junk mail taxes, and maybe a few wedding invitations or something of that sort thrown in. Truthfully, I miss the letters. I miss the awkward, forced, letters that you are required to send to relatives, the letter to your friend, or the love letter. Sadly, a good amount of this was before my time. As I grew up, so did technology. Now our lives are overridden with texting and computers.

I love technology. THERE, I said it. I admit that I love technology. I own an uber-geeky cell phone and a laptop. I go on each one every single day. I talk to my friends on instant messaging; I call my friends and parents on my cell phone; I email people for every bit of communication. I am caught in-between my geeky side and my love for old things. It’s not just old things either. Mail is very productive. It did its job in its day, delivering messages to people across the world or even just across town. It just can’t compare to talking to ANYONE in a matter of seconds. It’s insane how quickly you can talk to anyone you want.

On the other hand, mail is awesome! I wish that I would occasionally receive something in the mail other than crap stuff that I end up throwing away. Technology provides nothing lasting. Yes, you can save an email, but there is nothing material. You can save a letter. The era of finding a box of letters in your grandparent’s attic is over. If someone wrote you a love letter and sent it over the inter-web, there wwoul be no letter to hold. Data is data…nothing more and nothing less.

I enjoy mail. I enjoy receiving and occasionally sending it. I believe I’ve said it before, but I need to find a balance between technology and older things. There is no way that I’m going to stop sending emails or going on Facebook. I love my technology…and yet I love mail and the romance of it. Therefore, I’m going to do both. I will continue to check my email AND I will attempt to bring back the letter. I hopefully will overcome my laziness and send a few letters. Hey, maybe if I send them I’ll get them too. Maybe I’ll even stamp it with a wax seal…just for kicks.

Wasting my life… April 18, 2008

Every single day when I get home, the first thing I do is go, sit down at my computer, and go onto the websites Facebook, Engadget, and Deviantart. That is the extent of my exhilarating life. Okay, not really, but going on those three websites take up a very…very large portion of my time. I sometimes think about how I use my time everyday. Is this really an effective use of my time? Am I really bettering my life? Am I reaching towards a better self. Sadly the answer is probably no.

Yes, I admit it, I am one of the thousands of people who have jumped on the social site bandwagon. The notion that I am following the footsteps of so many others (…getting sucked into the vortex that is social networks) disgusts me. I go on Facebook every single day, sometimes even multiple times. I enjoy going on Facebook because of the false sense of friendship that it gives me. Do I really think that I’ll make new friends! No…sadly I don’t. I do not believe that you can make friends over a wall of data, but for the friends I don’t have…Facebook is okay. I guess it allows me to make plans…but I almost just use it for email purposes and stalking my friends.

Really…ask anyone who uses Facebook and they will contest that Facebook tells you everything. It will tell you what you wanted to know about, didn’t care about, and didn’t want to know. It has EVERYTHING!!! I enjoy seeing what music and videos my friends enjoy because it allows me to discover new things. There are even groups to say what you like and don’t. It gets to a point where things become impersonal. It’s like a journal that everybody can see…people just don’t do that. But then again…maybe that’s the point of a blog.

Then there’s Deviantart. I like to think that me going to Deviantart is somehow going to increase my culture or something of that sort. It doesn’t really justify things, but Deviantart is definitely better than Facebook. I guess one could imagine it as an art gallery or museum, online. Seeing my friend’s artwork is really nifty. Some of the artwork on the site is very, very, good, up at professional standards and can be very moving.

I’m probably still going to do exactly as I have been doing. I enjoy my false life that I live on the Internet, escaping from the annoyances of life. Maybe in the end I do actually learn something. Whether it’s how to treat a friend, what’s the coolest gadget, or just admiring artwork. I enjoy stalking my friends (creepy…yes) and seeing the new technologies in the world. So…You know what?! For now and probably for a while (maybe even forever) I’m going to continue going to these sites that waste away my life. Do I think they’re helping me in the long run?…Who knows?…But they DO make me happy and isn’t that all that really matters…happiness?